It was the first Christmas I spent with her not being mine. But for some strange reason, we ended up spending it with each other anyway. I am actually really happy about that. I wanted to spend it with someone I really care about. Going to a party just wouldnt have been worth it. Spending time with her was the best way I can imagine spending Christmas. We are so comfortable around each other and I get so happy. She also kissed me. Very passionately. Even though later in the night she told me that she felt obligated to kiss me. I dont believe that. I believe that she is truly in love with me and she wanted to kiss me. But then, like usual, we cuddled and she ended up getting weird again. This time she told me that she cant do this anymore. She cant keep hanging out and hooking up like we have been. She just wants to be friends but she knows we can never be friends. We will always be something more. She wants to still hangout but not kiss and stuff. But she thinks it will be ok if we just cuddle. Which would make me happy because thats my favorite thing in the world. But cuddling will always lead to something else. I hate when we are cuddling at night and she tells me I should probably leave or that she wants me to leave. It makes me miss sleeping over with her every night. She used to never want me to leave. She actually used to get sad when I left. We loved having sleepovers together. My favorite part was that even when we started to seperate in the middle of the night. When one of us woke up, we would always move closer to each other to keep cuddling. Its amazing that I am so obsessed with cuddling with her. Its THE most comfortable thing in the entire world. But even when I was about to leave, I told her to not forget about me and that she is beautiful and to never let anyone tell her otherwise. She started to cry and asked me to hold her and not leave yet. If she is crying when I am around I will always hold her. Ill never make that mistake again. Ill never let her cry alone if I can help it. Well I guess I’m gonna have to try and just be friends with her. Although I will always want to kiss her and do more, its just a sacrifice I will have to make. I dont know how much longer I am gonna be able to do this either. Its almost giving me a false sense of hope that we can be together again. As much as I say I dont know if I would take her back, that probably a lie. I dont know if I would be able to resist. I can never resist her. But I dont know if we will be together anytime soon. She is going to be gone all summer again which would be a terrible time for us to start up again. It does hurt me that she would try and make it work with this new guy though. She seemed to quit on our relationship so easily. Thats the first time I have actually thought about that. Its really frustrating thinking about her and him. I am hoping that it doesnt last. It doesnt seem like it should but she always is with someone. And its usually not for a short amount of time. She has never been in a short relationship. I dont think she is happy with him but she is scared to be alone. I know she is gonna stop talking to me soon. Everyone is gonna come back to school and she is gonna be back to spending time with him and im gonna be put on the back burner. I dont know if I am ok with that. I hate how she still affects my emotions so much. Im so up and down. When I am with her I am so happy. When I leave, I immediately become sad and I miss her. I want to be someones first priority. I deserve it. I wish it was her.
We're updating Fluid!
Soon, we'll be updating the look and feel of this theme. Read about the changes here. You can easily turn off this notification in the theme customization panel.
